I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize
