i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's no shave November. This is our time.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
