I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
