I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
