I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
