I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i just google imaged poop.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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