im about as happy as oj after his trial
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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