I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize