my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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