SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
