He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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