the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
