White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
