Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
