Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
