Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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