She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
