If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
