I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
