the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The power of my boobs compel you
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
