As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
