Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
