its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
