she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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