my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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