I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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