nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
