I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Who died my cat blue again?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
