Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
