Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
