He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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