Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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