I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
