You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I've blown a few things in my day
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Randomize
