Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
