Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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