Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
