She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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