um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
