True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
