What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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