when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
