i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
