I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
