Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
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