so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
its not stalking. its research.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
