I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
