Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
