I'll bet she douches with gravy.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
