Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
