i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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