I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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