My sheets look like a crime scene.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
