The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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