whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize