someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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