Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
