before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
