I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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