just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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