he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize