I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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