i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
