According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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