dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
